Tuesday, 16 December 2014
Monday, 15 December 2014
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS?
I GOT FAT.
THERE'S FOOD EVERYWHERE AND IT'S GREAT. Although, not for our waistlines perhaps. So here's 20 reaallly good and wise (ahem) pieces of advice and key points to remember for eating around Christmas that I've gathered from across the internet. Hell Christmas only comes once a year. In the words of Elsa..let it go.
1. Eat at night - calories can't see in the dark so they won't be able to find you
2. Pandas are proof that you can just eat leaves and still be fat
3. Drink alcohol while eating something fattening, the calories will get drunk and forget what they're there for
4. Dieting is easy. It's like riding a bike. And the bike's on fire. And the grounds on fire. And everything's on fire because you're in hell
5. Use superglue instead of lipstick
6. Eat whatever you want. If anyone tries to lecture you about your diet, eat them too
7. It's a commonly known fact that diets can only start on Mondays. If you've screwed up by Tuesday, the rest of the week is guilt free as you can't start again till next Monday
8. If you start a diet and aren't skinny by lunch time, give up
9. Eat with water so the calories drown
10. If you can't get thinner, become a good cook and make your friends fatter
11. Nobody wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your lettuce, shut up and be sad. And stop side-eyeing my cupcake
12. It's the thought that counts. So if you thought about going on a diet and doing exercise, then ate a whole cake and took a nap, you're halfway there
13. Go on a seafood diet. You see food, you eat it
14. Wine does not make you fat, it makes you lean..against walls, chairs and peculiar people
15. Regret is a terrible thing. You don't want to look back and think "I could have eaten that"
16. If you are what you eat then you may as well be delicious
17. Juice cleanses are only worth it when you add Vodka.
18. If you need to start being healthy, first make sure you've eaten up all the junk food in your house so it's not there to tempt you
19. Have fruit salad for dinner. Make it mostly grapes. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Have wine for dinner.
20. If you think you're losing weight at Christmas, double check..your tracksuit bottoms have probably become untied.
Friday, 5 December 2014
Winter tends to bring laziness in dressing because it's cold (who else stares at their wardrobe in the mornings and thinks "Oh I can't be bothered to come up with an outfit, I'm cold, I just want to wear a jumper and jeans"? Just me?) Good news is, this season that is the perfect lazy day uniform for stylish girls everywhere. According to Pinterest and Instagram, anyway.
Just add slim trousers (extra points for leather) + cozy knit + long coat + great shoes + a couple of well chosen accessories (stacked rings, crossbody bag, brushed cotton scarf etc) = an easy, warm outfit, that looks like you made a bit of effort. I won't tell if you don't.
All pictures from my Pinterest.
Thursday, 27 November 2014
Um, can anyone guess the theme I'm going for this year? I don't know if it's obvious? All my old decorations are pink and silver (don't judge, I was 15 and had a pink bedroom) but now I'm a proper adult (HA), and in a lovely, gold-themed grown up flat I OBVIOUSLY have to re-buy decorations. Shame, as I obviously hate shopping.
Monday, 24 November 2014
I don't know what it is about Christmas shopping that, after a while, just makes me want to spend money on myself instead. The shops bring out all their best stuff, right when I'm supposed to be buying things for others, and I almost want to say "SOD YOU ALL, THIS YEAR I'M ONLY BUYING THINGS FOR ME. DO NOT GIVE ME PRESENTS, THAT'S COOL, AND DON'T EXPECT ANY EITHERR. SPEND YOUR MONEY ON YOURSELVES," to all my loved ones.
I could go without a lot of the generic "she's a girl, she likes nail varnish" presents (now don't get me wrong, I do like nail varnish. But personally I would prefer one relatively decent bottle to a set of three that look like they came out of a cracker and have the consistency of pritstick), and I honestly don't know how many more trios of lipgloss I can stand (I'm not being ungrateful..I don't wear lipgloss and I never have). I put a lot of time, effort and money into Christmas presents (as much as I'm moaning, I do actually really enjoy it) and sometimes when I open ANOTHER nail file kit I wonder why I bother. (Is it just me? Am I a rotten human? But I mean really..as if I don't already own a nail file kit).
BUT you know that's not the point, and I fundamentally love Christmas more than (almost) anyone I know, I think I'm just having a minor breakdown about all the wonderful stuff in the shops that I want and can't afford. And you know, having to prepare my grateful face for the onslaught of distant relatives who mean well, but would have been better off giving me a fiver. And spending ages trying to get a present for them that doesn't mean that they have to whack out their fake grateful face in return (because believe me, I don't think I'm some saint of Christmas who never gets it wrong!).
I don't quite know what happened to this post. It was just going to be a simple wishlist and then I started ranting and lost control of myself. I need to reign it in before I accidentally get all grinch on myself and start saying I hate Christmas.
ANYWAY..here are the things I'd buy myself if I decided to boycott Christmas.
On a much more cheerful note, because I am actually getting really overexcited about Christmas (apart from the little brain fart that this post turned into), I've bought half my presents already and have even already wrapped them. This included finding sellotape which has little sprouts with smiley faces on it which I think might be the best thing that's ever happened to me.